


to unlearn

by dyscnia



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Breakup, F/F, Human Vision (Marvel), Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Not Beta Read, Sad, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, alternate universe where they aren't avengers, and also a friend to lean on, happy ending for wanda, just regular people living regular lives, mentions of Pietro Maximoff - Freeform, natasha romanov does not deal with her feelings well, pietro maximoff is dead here im sorry, this is rlly sad tho im sorry if you ship wandanat, vision is a good friend, what is beta reading if not an annoyance?, written at 4AM because i have no life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 17:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30075435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyscnia/pseuds/dyscnia
Summary: un·learn/ˌənˈlərn/・verbto undo the effect of : discard the habit of
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Vision, Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	to unlearn

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this really terribly in the middle of the night because i was sad over wanda (again) so i hope you enjoy?? lol

falling out of love, being heartbroken, losing the person you loved wholeheartedly? it was hard and it was tough. but what followed after was harder. it was unlearning the habits you'd started with the other person - having to get used to not having their warmth with you. it was unlearning all the little things you'd learnt about them - from the way they liked their coffee to how they'd always forget to bring a hat with them whenever you'd leave the house on a snowy day. at least, for wanda, that was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do.

now, wanda sat at her dining table, too big for one person, with two cups in front of her. one was a cup of tea made just the way she liked it. the other was a cup of coffee with a dash of milk and a small amount of sugar - just the way natasha liked it. she had been running on autopilot this morning that when she'd gone to make herself a cup of tea, she had ended up making one for the redhead too - the redhead who was no longer a part of her life as of last saturday.

wanda sighed, rubbing her eyes with one hand as she ran her other hand through her hair, attempting to steady her breathe. she could do this. she could pull through the rest of the month - no, the rest of her life, without natasha. she took a deep breathe before letting it out, and moved to grab the cup of coffee. standing up, her mind flashed to last saturday, the last time she had seen the smaller girl.

_"natasha, look at me, please," wanda's voice cracked as she reached out to grab natasha's arm, silently begging that the older girl would listen to her for once. "we can try to make this work - please, just tell me what's wrong."_

_natasha had refused to look up at her, instead settling to just stand with her back turned away from her. "i can't. i'm really sorry wanda, but you wouldn't understand - it's already hard for me to have to go. it's hard for me to leave."_

_"then tell me," wanda begged, squeezing natasha's arm. "tell me so i can understand, so i can help you."_

_with those words, natasha turned to look at wanda, lifting her hand to softly caress the younger girl's face. "i'm sorry, lyubov. but i can't. i'm sorry."_

_wanda's heart had stung when natasha had used a pet name on her, her subconscious somehow knowing that it would be the last time she'd hear natasha use the word towards her. seconds later, her heart shattered when natasha turned away and walking away from her, the redhead's arm slipping gracefully out of her hand._

a loud crash brought wanda out of her thoughts, her feet moving away from the crash as she stared at the coffee she had dropped when her mind had decided to recount on what was possibly the worst day of her life. she swore, bunching up the sleeves of the sweater she wore as she grabbed a mop to clean up the mess she had created. as she cleaned, she wished she could clean up the mess that was her brain as easily as she could to the spilled coffee.

* * *

one week. it had been one week since she'd last seen natasha, since she'd last spoken with the person who used to be the love of her life. well, wanda mused, natasha was _still_ the love of her life - she couldn't deny that. it had only been one week, which was not enough time for her to move on from the woman she'd spend almost every single day with for the past four years. although she wasn't sure if natasha even loved her after the redhead had just randomly walked out on her.

wanda shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts that plagued her mind, refusing to go back into the mess she had been after natasha had left. she had gone one week - well five days, but if you rounded up it would be one week, without being a disaster. after the incident with the coffee, she had made sure to keep her head out of the clouds, making sure she only did things for herself - making tea for herself in the morning, deleting the alarms she'd created for natasha on her phone, and clearing her mind of the older girl. now, as she walked home with a pastry bag in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, she was certain she'd be able to go without the redhead for an indefinite amount of time. of course, her silent promise was broken the minute she entered her apartment, calling out to someone who wasn't there.

"nat, i'm home!" wanda froze, her words echoing through the air. she'd forgotten that the apartment she lived in used to be the one natasha also lived in before she'd evidently left. it had become a habit for both of them to call out to the other whenever one of them arrived home - a simple reminder to the other that they had arrived and the other one was no longer alone in their shared apartment.

wanda felt her heart dropped as she shed her shoes at the entrance, locking the door. she was alone now, both in her apartment and in her heart. with those thoughts, she crumpled to the ground, setting her stuff down on the ground and sobbing. _god,_ she was back to the mess she had been a week ago. all those moments where she had tried to unlearn the things she had learned during her time with natasha were useless - she would always wake up at 6 in the morning to make sure the other girl was up and awake, ready for her work. she would always stop what she was doing on wednesdays at 4 in the afternoon, ready to send natasha a text to see how her weekly meetings had gone. wanda couldn't just discard the feeling of natasha in her life, she just couldn't undo the effect the redhead had left - the things she'd done. most likely, wanda would end up spending her life reaching for the ghost of someone she once had.

a soft knock on her door pushed her out of her pity session and she realized she'd been lying on the cold tiled floor of her apartment, her coffee cold from the time she'd been buried in her thoughts. the brunette sighed, moving to open the door after she wiped away her tears and deemed herself presentable enough after a quick glance at the mirror natasha had chosen to hang by the door when they first moved into the place.

"oh, hey vision," wanda forced a smile onto her face, though she was sure it looked more like a grimace than a smile. "do you need anything?"

"uh, no, but i couldn't help but hear you crying when i walked past and i couldn't help but wonder," vision stuttered out awkwardly, pausing to take a breathe as wanda turned red at the thought of having other people hearing her cry. "are you ok?"

"don't worry about me, vision," wanda let the smile drop, looking down at her feet to hide her eyes that had begun to tear up again. "i will be fine."

"alright," vision begun to back away from the front of her door, giving her the space she needed. "but if you ever need anything, i'm right next door. my door is always open for you, wanda."

wanda nodded at the british man, before she moved back into her apartment and closing her door. she leaned back, letting her head hit the door as she sighed. she needed to get herself together. who did she think she was, crying right as soon as she got home and not even making it to her bedroom? wanda felt pathetic and embarrassed at the mere idea of other people who might've heard her crying, but she pushed those feelings as she reached down to grab her fallen items.

"get yourself together, wanda," she muttered to herself, reaching into the bag of pastries, only to pull out an oreo cheesecake. as if the day couldn't get any worse, it was the exact kind that natasha loved - the kind she'd always beg wanda to get whenever she'd mention going to the cafe. "oh great."

wanda huffed as she sat down, staring at the cheesecake in her hands. tears fell freely down her face, refusing to be held back any longer. what was she going to do now?

* * *

two hours later, she found herself at her neighbor's living room, sitting down on the couch and staring down at a warm cup of tea. the tea leaves floating around brought her some sense of comfort - it gave her something to focus on instead of the jumble of thoughts in her mind. she focused on one floating near the edge, away from all the others. like her, it was as if all the other leaves had left it on its own. just like natasha had left her so suddenly.

_damn._ wanda had almost made it to a good ten minutes without thinking about the other girl. she sighed and only then did she feel a pair of eyes burning a hole into the side of her head. wanda took a breathe, before she looked up to meet the eyes of vision.

"i'm sorry for randomly barging in on you like this," wanda said nervously, setting her cup down as she played with her fingers anxiously. "i just couldn't be alone anymore, my thoughts are just too loud sometimes."

vision's brow furrowed at her words, confused. "wanda, i meant it when i said my door is always open for you. you're one of my friends and it pains me to see you hurt."

wanda let out a quiet laugh, looking away from the blonde man. vision had become one of her best friends in their apartment building when she and natasha had first moved in - the two had bonded over books they'd read and she had introduced him to sitcoms as he introduced her to a wider variety of tea. it helped that they were neighbors and both had grown up away from america. "that's sweet of you to say, but i'm sure you have other things to do than entertain a crying, heartbroken woman."

"actually, i don't," vision said, completely oblivious to the harsh undertone of her words. "i don't have any plans, and it's great to talk to friends. now, would you like to talk about what's bothering you or would you like to watch another sitcom? we can always talk another time."

"oh, um, a sitcom?" wanda suggested, blinking at him in shock. sometimes it shocked her at how obliviously sweet vision could be sometimes, but maybe for now, it was better that he didn't know the painful thoughts that plagued her mind. for now, at least, she could relax with a friend and wouldn't have to go back to her lonely apartment. at least here she wouldn't have to face the fact that natasha wouldn't be there when she got back - maybe, just for the day, she could pretend that she'd be returning to the red head afterwards.

"alright then," he smiled softly at her, before moving to stand up after he switched the television on to a show the two had been watching the last time she had been over at his house. "i'll get us some food, but please feel free to make yourself at home."

she smiled at him gratefully, before she diverted her attention back to the screen, the black and white show pulling her away from reality.

* * *

that night, wanda found herself screaming from a nightmare and reaching for a certain redhead beside her in bed. she was only abruptly reminded of the reality she lived in when all she felt was the cold, empty air. sighing, she sat up, pushing aside the hair that had fallen into her face as she stared at the wall that used to hold a picture of the two of them. it used to bring her joy - a reminder of the happy memories natasha used to bring her. but a few days ago, all she had felt was pain when she looked at the picture, so she'd taken it down, hiding it away from her view.

when natasha had lived with her, she would usually be comforting the younger woman, rubbing her back and offering sweet words and promises. she used to make her a cup of tea and bring it to her in bed. sometimes, the two would just look at the dark sky that stretched above them through the large window inside her room, holding each other tightly. but natasha wasn't with her anymore, so she had to make do without the words of the older woman. wanda groaned, before she stood up, pushing away the blankets that replaced the warmth of natasha. today wasn't a good day for her - it seemed as if she just couldn't stop thinking about her.

minutes later, wanda was staring out onto the lively city of new york, the lights bright against her tired eyes. she cradled a steaming cup of tea and she was trying her best to ignore the tears streaming down her face. she knew she couldn't keep living like this - she couldn't keep acting as if natasha would just waltz back into her arms. no matter how much she wished for that to happen, she knew that when natasha had said she was leaving, she meant it permanently. she would never be seeing the redhead again, but if she did, it would be as a stranger. natasha was now just a ghost of her past, one that would never go away.

"keep it together," wanda grumbled, taking a sip of her tea. recently, she'd found it relaxing to talk to herself. there was something therapeutic about saying your thoughts out loud, as if she was freeing them from the confines of her mind. "she's never coming back and you know it. nat couldn't even give you a proper reason - why am i still so hung up over her?"

her voice shook as she looked away from the window, her voice rising as she continued. "god, she probably didn't even love me - was i just some roommate to her? a throwaway toy that had no meaning? did she even care about me?"

she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence as she started sobbing once more. at this point, wanda felt nothing but pity for herself. had she really let herself get so destroyed over one person? she knew for a fact that if her brother had been here, he would've laughed at the state she was in. normally, wanda held her head high, able to handle people leaving her life in a flash. he would've joked about how she'd let herself fall so fast for natasha. but he wasn't there and neither was natasha - he was six feet under and natasha was nowhere to be seen. so she sat, feeling alone in a bustling city.

* * *

it took wanda two weeks to stop making coffee for someone who wouldn't drink it. it took her three weeks to stop calling out to an invisible ghost in an empty apartment. it took her another month to stop reaching for natasha whenever she woke up from another nightmare. between these milestones, wanda often found herself at vision's house, either talking about a book one of them had recently read or watching a new show. it brought her comfort, and helped her find something other than to think about natasha all day. it also helped that vision didn't press her to talk about why natasha had just left - she didn't know what she would say if he ever brought it up.

moving on from natasha was hard - especially since natasha had been a huge part of her life for the past four years. it took her two whole months to manage not to see natasha in every little thing she saw, but when that moment came one december day, she felt as if she could battle an entire army of robots. she chose to celebrate with ice cream and her favorite sitcom. the next day, she went to the park with vision, her brown hair covered in a red beanie - one that would normally remind her of natasha's red hair, but that thought never once passed her mind. all she could think about was how gorgeous the park looked with the snow falling gently, covering the ground. she didn't even feel the extra hat she always kept in her bag for the redhead.

for the first time in months, all she felt was joy.

falling out of love, being heartbroken, losing the person you loved wholeheartedly? it was hard and it was tough. but what followed after was harder. it was unlearning the habits you'd started with the other person - having to get used to not having their warmth with you. it was unlearning all the little things you'd learnt about them - from the way they liked their coffee to how they'd always forget to bring a hat with them whenever you'd leave the house on a snowy day. at least, for wanda, that was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do.

now, wanda sat at her dining table, too big for one person, with two cups in front of her. one was a cup of tea made just the way she liked it. the other was a cup of coffee with a dash of milk and a small amount of sugar - just the way natasha liked it. she had been running on autopilot this morning when she'd gone to make herself a cup of tea, she had ended up automatically making one for the redhead too - the redhead who was no longer a part of her life as of last saturday.

wanda sighed, rubbing her eyes with one hand as she ran her other hand through her hair, attempting to steady her breath. she could do this. she could pull through the rest of the month - no, the rest of her life, without natasha. she took a deep breath before letting it out, and moved to grab the cup of coffee. standing up, her mind flashed to last saturday, the last time she had seen the smaller girl.

_"natasha, look at me, please," wanda's voice cracked as she reached out to grab natasha's arm, silently begging that the older girl would listen to her for once. "we can try to make this work - please, just tell me what's wrong."_

_natasha had refused to look up at her, instead settling to just stand with her back turned away from her. "i can't. i'm really sorry wanda, but you wouldn't understand - it's already hard for me to have to go. it's hard for me to leave."_

_"then tell me," wanda begged, squeezing natasha's arm. "tell me so i can understand, so i can help you."_

_with those words, natasha turned to look at wanda, lifting her hand to softly caress the younger girl's face. "i'm sorry, lyubov. but i can't. i'm sorry."_

_wanda's heart had stung when natasha had used a pet name on her, her subconscious somehow knowing that it would be the last time she'd hear natasha use the word towards her. seconds later, her heart shattered when natasha turned away and walked away from her, the redhead's arm slipping gracefully out of her hand._

a loud crash brought wanda out of her thoughts, her feet moving away from the crash as she stared at the coffee she had dropped when her mind had decided to recount on what was possibly the worst day of her life. she swore, bunching up the sleeves of the sweater she wore as she grabbed a mop to clean up the mess she had created. as she cleaned, she wished she could clean up the mess that was her brain as easily as she could to the spilled coffee.

* * *

one week. it had been one week since she'd last seen natasha, since she'd last spoken with the person who used to be the love of her life. well, wanda mused, natasha was _still_ the love of her life - she couldn't deny that. it had only been one week, which was not enough time for her to move on from the woman she'd spend almost every single day with for the past four years. although she wasn't sure if natasha even loved her after the redhead had just randomly walked out on her.

wanda shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts that plagued her mind, refusing to go back into the mess she had been after natasha had left. she had gone one week - well five days, but if you rounded up it would be one week, without being a disaster. after the incident with the coffee, she had made sure to keep her head out of the clouds, making sure she only did things for herself - making tea for herself in the morning, deleting the alarms she'd created for natasha on her phone, and clearing her mind of the older girl. now, as she walked home with a pastry bag in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, she was certain she'd be able to go without the redhead for an indefinite amount of time. of course, her silent promise was broken the minute she entered her apartment, calling out to someone who wasn't there.

"nat, i'm home!" wanda froze, her words echoing through the air. she'd forgotten that the apartment she lived in used to be the one natasha also lived in before she'd evidently left. it had become a habit for both of them to call out to the other whenever one of them arrived home - a simple reminder to the other that they had arrived and the other one was no longer alone in their shared apartment.

wanda felt her heart dropped as she shed her shoes at the entrance, locking the door. she was alone now, both in her apartment and in her heart. with those thoughts, she crumpled to the ground, setting her stuff down on the ground and sobbing. _god,_ she was back to the mess she had been a week ago. all those moments where she had tried to unlearn the things she had learned during her time with natasha were useless - she would always wake up at 6 in the morning to make sure the other girl was up and awake, ready for her work. she would always stop what she was doing on wednesdays at 4 in the afternoon, ready to send natasha a text to see how her weekly meetings had gone. wanda couldn't just discard the feeling of natasha in her life, she just couldn't undo the effect the redhead had left - the things she'd done. most likely, wanda would end up spending her life reaching for the ghost of someone she once had.

a soft knock on her door pushed her out of her pity session and she realized she'd been lying on the cold tiled floor of her apartment, her coffee cold from the time she'd been buried in her thoughts. the brunette sighed, moving to open the door after she wiped away her tears and deemed herself presentable enough after a quick glance at the mirror natasha had chosen to hang by the door when they first moved into the place.

"oh, hey vision," wanda forced a smile onto her face, though she was sure it looked more like a grimace than a smile. "do you need anything?"

"uh, no, but i couldn't help but hear you crying when i walked past and i couldn't help but wonder," vision stuttered out awkwardly, pausing to take a breath as wanda turned red at the thought of having other people hearing her cry. "are you ok?"

"don't worry about me, vision," wanda let the smile drop, looking down at her feet to hide her eyes that had begun to tear up again. "i will be fine."

"alright," vision began to back away from the front of her door, giving her the space she needed. "but if you ever need anything, i'm right next door. my door is always open for you, wanda."

wanda nodded at the british man, before she moved back into her apartment and closed her door. she leaned back, letting her head hit the door as she sighed. she needed to get herself together. who did she think she was, crying right as soon as she got home and not even making it to her bedroom? wanda felt pathetic and embarrassed at the mere idea of other people who might've heard her crying, but she pushed those feelings as she reached down to grab her fallen items.

"get yourself together, wanda," she muttered to herself, reaching into the bag of pastries, only to pull out an oreo cheesecake. as if the day couldn't get any worse, it was the exact kind that natasha loved - the kind she'd always beg wanda to get whenever she'd mention going to the cafe. "oh great."

wanda huffed as she sat down, staring at the cheesecake in her hands. tears fell freely down her face, refusing to be held back any longer. what was she going to do now?

* * *

two hours later, she found herself at her neighbor's living room, sitting down on the couch and staring down at a warm cup of tea. the tea leaves floating around brought her some sense of comfort - it gave her something to focus on instead of the jumble of thoughts in her mind. she focused on one floating near the edge, away from all the others. like her, it was as if all the other leaves had left it on its own. just like natasha had left her so suddenly.

_damn._ wanda had almost made it to a good ten minutes without thinking about the other girl. she sighed and only then did she feel a pair of eyes burning a hole into the side of her head. wanda took a breath, before she looked up to meet the eyes of vision.

"i'm sorry for randomly barging in on you like this," wanda said nervously, setting her cup down as she played with her fingers anxiously. "i just couldn't be alone anymore, my thoughts are just too loud sometimes."

vision's brow furrowed at her words, confused. "wanda, i meant it when i said my door is always open for you. you're one of my friends and it pains me to see you hurt."

wanda let out a quiet laugh, looking away from the blonde man. vision had become one of her best friends in their apartment building when she and natasha had first moved in - the two had bonded over books they'd read and she had introduced him to sitcoms as he introduced her to a wider variety of tea. it helped that they were neighbors and both had grown up away from america. "that's sweet of you to say, but i'm sure you have other things to do than entertain a crying, heartbroken woman."

"actually, i don't," vision said, completely oblivious to the harsh undertone of her words. "i don't have any plans, and it's great to talk to friends. now, would you like to talk about what's bothering you or would you like to watch another sitcom? we can always talk another time."

"oh, um, a sitcom?" wanda suggested, blinking at him in shock. sometimes it shocked her at how obliviously sweet vision could be sometimes, but maybe for now, it was better that he didn't know the painful thoughts that plagued her mind. for now, at least, she could relax with a friend and wouldn't have to go back to her lonely apartment. at least here she wouldn't have to face the fact that natasha wouldn't be there when she got back - maybe, just for the day, she could pretend that she'd be returning to the red head afterwards.

"alright then," he smiled softly at her, before moving to stand up after he switched the television on to a show the two had been watching the last time she had been over at his house. "i'll get us some food, but please feel free to make yourself at home."

she smiled at him gratefully, before she diverted her attention back to the screen, the black and white show pulling her away from reality.

* * *

that night, wanda found herself screaming from a nightmare and reaching for a certain redhead beside her in bed. she was only abruptly reminded of the reality she lived in when all she felt was the cold, empty air. sighing, she sat up, pushing aside the hair that had fallen into her face as she stared at the wall that used to hold a picture of the two of them. it used to bring her joy - a reminder of the happy memories natasha used to bring her. but a few days ago, all she had felt was pain when she looked at the picture, so she'd taken it down, hiding it away from her view.

when natasha had lived with her, she would usually be comforting the younger woman, rubbing her back and offering sweet words and promises. she used to make her a cup of tea and bring it to her in bed. sometimes, the two would just look at the dark sky that stretched above them through the large window inside her room, holding each other tightly. but natasha wasn't with her anymore, so she had to make do without the words of the older woman. wanda groaned, before she stood up, pushing away the blankets that replaced the warmth of natasha. today wasn't a good day for her - it seemed as if she just couldn't stop thinking about her.

minutes later, wanda was staring out onto the lively city of new york, the lights bright against her tired eyes. she cradled a steaming cup of tea and she was trying her best to ignore the tears streaming down her face. she knew she couldn't keep living like this - she couldn't keep acting as if natasha would just waltz back into her arms. no matter how much she wished for that to happen, she knew that when natasha had said she was leaving, she meant it permanently. she would never be seeing the redhead again, but if she did, it would be as a stranger. natasha was now just a ghost of her past, one that would never go away.

"keep it together," wanda grumbled, taking a sip of her tea. recently, she'd found it relaxing to talk to herself. there was something therapeutic about saying your thoughts out loud, as if she was freeing them from the confines of her mind. "she's never coming back and you know it. nat couldn't even give you a proper reason - why am i still so hung up over her?"

her voice shook as she looked away from the window, her voice rising as she continued. "god, she probably didn't even love me - was i just some roommate to her? a throwaway toy that had no meaning? did she even care about me?"

she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence as she started sobbing once more. at this point, wanda felt nothing but pity for herself. had she really let herself get so destroyed over one person? she knew for a fact that if her brother had been here, he would've laughed at the state she was in. normally, wanda held her head high, able to handle people leaving her life in a flash. he would've joked about how she'd let herself fall so fast for natasha. but he wasn't there and neither was natasha - he was six feet under and natasha was nowhere to be seen. so she sat, feeling alone in a bustling city.

* * *

it took wanda two weeks to stop making coffee for someone who wouldn't drink it. it took her three weeks to stop calling out to an invisible ghost in an empty apartment. it took her another month to stop reaching for natasha whenever she woke up from another nightmare. between these milestones, wanda often found herself at vision's house, either talking about a book one of them had recently read or watching a new show. it brought her comfort, and helped her find something other than to think about natasha all day. it also helped that vision didn't press her to talk about why natasha had just left - she didn't know what she would say if he ever brought it up.

moving on from natasha was hard - especially since natasha had been a huge part of her life for the past four years. it took her two whole months to manage not to see natasha in every little thing she saw, but when that moment came one december day, she felt as if she could battle an entire army of robots. she chose to celebrate with ice cream and her favorite sitcom. the next day, she went to the park with vision, her brown hair covered in a red beanie - one that would normally remind her of natasha's red hair, but that thought never once passed her mind. all she could think about was how gorgeous the park looked with the snow falling gently, covering the ground. she didn't even feel the extra hat she always kept in her bag for the redhead.

for the first time in months, all she felt was joy.


End file.
